Here’s an example of the perils of being in a long distance relationship:

One day, you needed a hug so bad but you just can’t have any (because he’s freaking living in another continent!) You went apeshit (am beginning to like this expression quite a bit). You decided to be an Emo Kid and engage in self-destructive, heart-attack-inducing behaviors like, oh, I don’t know, having a compulsive need to bake, like, 365 pieces of gingerbread man and making a burger out of a Krispy Kreme Donut?

Like, seriously!

Then you realized, no one actually gives a shit and they actually thought it’s a really awesome idea.

Well, partly it’s because it really is an awesome idea. Unless it potentially involves blood (i.e., slicing and cutting), and no, menstrual blood doesn’t apply here.

*  *  *

For other Emo Kids out there,

Here’s your prescription for a coronary attack:

• 1 Krispy Kreme Donut, sliced in half, sideways, buttered and grilled
• 2 thin, crispy strips of bacon
• 1 slice of onion
• 1 cherry tomato, sliced
• 1 slice of cheese
• 1 burger patty

I mean, like, seriously.

You won’t know when comfort food’s gonna kill you.